The bathroom incident
Son walks in while I'm in the shower and asks 'Dad why do you close the curtain?' I tell him 'So you don't see me naked.' He thinks for a second and goes 'But I already know what y
TTom M.168 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
681 threads
Son walks in while I'm in the shower and asks 'Dad why do you close the curtain?' I tell him 'So you don't see me naked.' He thinks for a second and goes 'But I already know what y
My daughter came home from school upset about her math test. I said 'Well, did you at least count your blessings?' She stared at me like I had three heads. I'm pretty sure I'm on h
Took my 6yo to the grocery store and he asked why some cereals have prizes inside. I said 'Because they're looking for a cereal killer.' He didn't get it but my wife did and she ga
I told him it's in my job description. He said 'Dad, you work in accounting.' I said 'Exactly, I have to be good with numbers... and dad jokes are just counting on your laughter!'
So my daughter asked me if we could go to McDonalds for 'a special treat' and I said sure thinking we'd grab Happy Meals. Get there and she orders a salad. A SALAD. Said she overhe
Caught my 4 year old red handed with a box of Lucky Charms this morning, eating them dry by the handful straight from the box. When I asked him why he didn't use a bowl he looked a
My 7 year old: 'Dad why did the scarecrow win an award?' Me: 'Why?' Him: 'Because he was outstanding in his field!' I died laughing. He's been watching YouTube compilations of dad
So I could have a built in excuse for all my terrible jokes. Kid groans at my puns now which just makes them funnier. Win win.
I walked out of the bathroom after taking the biggest dump and he was waiting there saying 'Wow dad you're so strong, you do such great poos!' I don't know whether to be proud or c
I used to have abs. Now I have a single ab. Just one. Its lonely. My kids keep patting it and asking if I'm gonna have a baby too. Thanks kids.
That I can sleep with a toddler using me as a personal jungle gym and still be less tired than I am listening to my kids fight over a toy for 20 minutes. The emotional exhaustion i
Because he was outstanding in his field! Just told this to my 7yo and he groaned so hard I thought he'd hurt himself. That groan is basically a hug at this point. I'm convinced my
Like how you can be dead tired but the moment the kids go to bed you get a second wind at 9pm. Or how a 2 hour 'quick trip' to get one item at Target somehow costs $80. And that sp
We were at the grocery store and he points at the eggs and goes 'Dad why do we eat chicken periods?' I nearly lost it in the produce section. His mom was mortified but I was so pro
I'm a dad with a dad joke problem. My kid asked me why I always have to make everything a joke and I said 'Because laughter is the best medicine and you kids need vitamins.' He did
Picked up a dad joke book at Target yesterday and I've already read through half of it. My wife walked past me reading it and literally said 'Please don't.' I told her 'I'm on a ro
Told this one at breakfast and got two simultaneous eye rolls. My 8 year old said 'Please stop' before I even finished. But I noticed my 4 year old laughed which means I still got
Was telling my usual dad jokes at dinner last night and my son just stared at me and said 'Dad these aren't even that funny.' His mom tried not to laugh. I said 'Well I think you'r
Because apparently that's the only way to stop me from making puns during family movie night. She sprayed me THREE times during Minions. THREE TIMES. I was just trying to say the b
So I'm making breakfast and my 7 year old says 'Dad why do you always burn the toast?' and I go 'I like it crispy' and he says 'You like everything crispy. Your jokes, your cooking