Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
681 threads
My kids were arguing about whose turn it was to pick a movie and I said 'I don't care which one you pick, but you need to make a decision. I'm not trying to frame you for it.' Dead
I told him I was just checking to make sure I assembled him correctly. He did NOT find that funny but I'm still laughing.
Walked past the produce section and said 'lettuce go get some milk' to my 6 year old. She groaned so hard I thought she'd pulled a muscle. Mission accomplished.
He said 'I want the red cup' and just walked away. Pretty sure this is how it's gonna be for the next 18 years. Anyone else's kids do this or is mine just built different?
I told him he couldn't have candy before dinner and he said 'Dad you're not the boss of me, Mom is the boss of you.' Kid's not wrong and I've never felt more defeated in my life. R
Ref called a penalty kick and I yelled 'That's a KICK move!' Everyone groaned including my own kids. Worth it though. The dad next to me actually laughed which counts as a W in my
So now I'm 50% underwater when I give the kids baths. Pretty sure that's not what she meant but the kids think it's hilarious.
I told him because he was born 9 months after I went the distance with your mom. He's 7 and doesn't get it yet but I'm waiting for the day he does.
Was at the store with my 4yo and he asked why we needed milk. I said 'Because we ran out at home.' He goes 'But dad, can't you just make more?' I said 'Yeah buddy, I'll just print
Told my kids this joke at breakfast this morning. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly! They both just looked at me like I had three heads. My wife didn't e
Kid walks in while I'm in the bathroom and asks what I'm doing. I say 'I'm reading.' He says 'reading what?' and I say 'The owner's manual, I lost the instructions for this part.'
We were at dinner and my 7yo complained she was bored. I told her 'I used to be bored too, but then I had you kids.' She just stared at me and then I said 'Now I'm a dad, tired!' W
So I told my 3 year old it was bedtime and he goes 'But dad it's still light outside' and I'm like ok fair point. Then he goes 'Can we read one more book' and I say no buddy we alr
This kid has been telling me knock knock jokes for like an hour straight and none of them make sense. Like knock knock, who's there, pizza, pizza who, PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA. He thinks
Watching my 6 year old play and realized I just spent 10 minutes explaining to him why you can't actually see through walls even if you're going really fast. He asked me 'are you a
Because he was outstanding in his field. My kids groaned so hard when I told them this one at dinner. Worth it.
I told him I was just checking to make sure I was using the blender correctly. He goes "Dad you've made a smoothie every morning for 5 years." I said "Yeah and I want to keep my pe
My 7 year old told me a joke today and I realized he's starting to tell actual dad jokes. He asked what you call a sleeping bull. I said "I don't know what?" He said "A bulldozer."
Got asked to bring snacks to soccer practice. Brought string cheese and gatorade. Coach asks why nothing is green. Apparently the team colors are green and gold. I told my kid his
Because I get to do all the voices and my kids actually think I'm funny. Sure the jokes are terrible but at 8pm after a long day, anything that keeps them in bed for 10 more minute