My 5 year old just roasted me
I told my son he needed to eat his vegetables. He looks at me and goes 'Dad you're the one who needs vegetables, you have a vegetable belly.' I'm standing there trying not to laugh
LLucas148 views
56
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
880 threads
I told my son he needed to eat his vegetables. He looks at me and goes 'Dad you're the one who needs vegetables, you have a vegetable belly.' I'm standing there trying not to laugh
This morning before I've had coffee my 6 year old asks me why the sky is blue and if dinosaurs could have survived if we gave them medicine. Then wants to know why I have a beard a
Caught myself telling my kids 'money doesn't grow on trees' yesterday and then making a dad groan when one of them said 'I know dad, it grows in my piggy bank.' I literally sounded
He heard someone had stolen a base. I know it's terrible but I made this one up while making pancakes this morning and my kids actually groaned which means it's officially a dad jo
So I said that's funny because your mother thinks I'm hilarious. She looked at me and said 'Yeah that's probably why she married you' with complete sarcasm. I've been out-dad-joked
I was gonna tell him about responsibility and he asks me 'Dad what did the ocean say to the beach?' I'm trying to be serious and he just hits me with 'Nothing, it just waved.' I ca
My 5 year old walks up to me while I'm reading the instructions for some furniture and asks 'Dad why are you reading that? You're supposed to just build it and if it wobbles duct t
He heard the drinks were on the house. I told this one at work today and got the groan I deserved.
My 7 year old asked me what my favorite thing about being a parent is. I said "the punchlines are free and the kids are hilarious." He didn't get it at first then he did and he los
At my daughter's soccer game the coach was explaining the new positions to the kids. He said "okay so we're going to rotate everyone through midfield." Without thinking I go "sound
A gummy bear. My 5 year old has been telling this joke to literally everyone for three days. The dentist, the grocery store clerk, his teacher. I have created a monster but I'm so
This morning he goes 'Dad why did the chicken go to the park?' I say I don't know. He says 'Because it wanted to swing on the MONKEY BARS.' Then he loses it laughing at his own jok
I've been telling my kids that I'm reading a book about anti gravity. Can't put it down. Been saying it since they were like 3. My oldest finally gets it now and laughs every time.
We're at dinner and my 7yo is distracted watching something on my wife's phone. I lean over to grab like three nuggets off his plate real quick and he whips around and GASPS like I
My 7 year old asked for cereal and I said "sure, as long as you promise not to get bored with it." My wife just shook her head and walked away. Pretty sure I earned some points wit
Started a spreadsheet of dad jokes organized by age and difficulty level. My wife thinks I'm insane. She doesn't understand that this is serious preparation. By the time this kid i
I told him it's a natural instinct. He's not convinced yet but give him time, the dad joke gene is dormant until like age 35 then it just activates and you can't stop yourself.
Caught my 3 year old trying to sneak cookies from the pantry. I said 'whatcha doing buddy?' He froze, looked me dead in the eyes and said 'I'm a cookie monster now' and made monste
Why is nobody talking about how brutal diaper pails are? Mine smells like a forgotten science experiment. I take the trash out like I'm handling biohazardous materials. Wife walks
Asked my 7yo 'Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly!' He just stared at me and said 'that doesn't make sense dad' and walked away. Wife was literally on the