Why I can't take my kids to the library
We went yesterday and my son kept yelling 'THE BOOK IS CALLING ME' every time he found something he wanted. The librarian was not amused. He's 7 and I don't know where he gets this
FFrank T.169 views
30
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
359 threads
We went yesterday and my son kept yelling 'THE BOOK IS CALLING ME' every time he found something he wanted. The librarian was not amused. He's 7 and I don't know where he gets this
Took both kids grocery shopping. My youngest pointed at Lucky Charms and said 'Dad can we get the magical ones?' I said 'Son that's just marketing lies like when your mom said you'
I was in the kitchen thinking about how I told my daughter that the garden was where we grow our vegetables and she asked if we also grow french fries. She's 4. Wife did not find i
An insta-dad. Get it? Because he's in the water. My kids groaned so hard this morning when I dropped this one. Mission accomplished.
My 6 year old asked me why the sky is blue and I panicked for like 5 seconds before remembering I'm supposed to sound confident. Gave him some explanation about light waves and he
I told him I'm not reading them, I'm just looking at the pictures. He's 8 and already knows I'm lying. Pretty sure he's gonna be smarter than me.
He asked 'Dad why did the chicken cross the road?' I said 'Why?' and he said 'Because it was NOT a TURTLE!' Then he died laughing for like 5 minutes. I've created a monster. This i
My oldest is 11 and I swear it happened between Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday I was the funniest guy alive. Wednesday I embarrass him by existing in public. I walked into his clas
That's when you know you've reached peak dad status. Told him 'Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.' He just groaned so loud the neighbors probably heard it. Wor
I packed my 7 year old's lunch with a note that said 'Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.' Apparently she read it out loud to her entire table and
My wife asked why I was taking so long in the cereal aisle and I said I was reading the box because it said 'Part of a complete breakfast' and I needed to understand what my role w
He said 'Dad you made my childhood disappear' and honestly that hit different. But then he asked for the WiFi password so I guess I'm not losing him completely yet.
We're at the store and she asks me 'Dad why do you always make those jokes that nobody laughs at' and I'm like sweetheart that's just the family business. She rolled her eyes but I
Tried to hit him with a classic "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field." He stares at me and goes "Dad, why did YOU tell that joke? Because yo
Kid asks me why the checkout person is scanning everything. I said "It's so they know how much it costs." He goes "Oh, so if we don't scan it, it's free?" Had to explain how that's
Built a fort out of cereal boxes with my kids last Saturday. My 4 year old decided to eat the evidence. By the time I got back with the tape, there were holes everywhere and he's j
7 year old asked for one more story. I said "You've already had three." He responds "Yeah but you keep doing them wrong. Maybe if you try again you'll get it right." I'm sitting he
I said because somebody has to. Then he groaned so hard I think he pulled something. Mission accomplished.
I told my daughter I was reading a book about anti-gravity and she said 'Dad that's impossible, you can't put a book down.' I have never been more proud and more hurt at the same t
My 8 year old asked where the bathroom was and I said probably in the back of the store. He looked confused until I added 'I don't know, I've never been there.' His mom was not amu