The Diaper Blowout Incident of Last Tuesday
So I'm at the grocery store with just my youngest (11 months) and we're doing great, everything's perfect. Get to the cereal aisle and BOOM. Blowout. I mean an absolute nuclear eve
IIsaac T.133 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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So I'm at the grocery store with just my youngest (11 months) and we're doing great, everything's perfect. Get to the cereal aisle and BOOM. Blowout. I mean an absolute nuclear eve
It got mugged. My kids hate me. I tell this one at least twice a week and they still groan every single time. Mission accomplished.
I'm actually proud but also concerned. He told his buddy that the scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field. That's my material! He's only 9 and already steali
I told him I was just checking to make sure I was using the TV remote correctly. He said Dad that's the dishwasher. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.
My 7 year old said he was cold so I told him to go stand in the corner. He asked why and I said because corners are 90 degrees. The groan from my wife was so loud the neighbors pro
Because he heard the drinks were on the house. My 7 year old laughed so hard he snorted milk out his nose. Mission accomplished.
I told him I was just checking to make sure I was doing it right. He said 'Dad you always mess things up anyway.' Out of the mouths of babes. The accuracy hurts.
My son asked me to be a T-Rex while we were shopping. I obliged. Then I realized we were in the middle of the produce section and like 20 people were staring. Wife was not amused b
He asked where. I said the store. He said which one dad. I said probably the one with the stuff. He's 8 and he already rolled his eyes at me like I was the dumbest person on earth.
I told him my hair went on vacation and forgot to come back. He asked why I didn't go find it. I said it's probably at the beach drinking a piña colada without me. He thought that
I said of course honey I'm a very good doctor. She said you're not even wearing a white coat. I said that's because I left it at my practice. She goes then why are you wearing a st
He said dad why are you crying? I said I'm not crying, it's just a bit of detergent got in my eye. He goes yeah right, you're sad about something. I said yeah buddy, I just realize
I told him I wanted to know what I was supposed to be doing as a dad. He said 'Dad you've been doing this wrong for 8 years?' I said 'Yeah but at least I'm consistent.' He didn't l
Caught a moth in the house barehanded and threw it outside. Now he keeps asking when my superpowers will activate. I've been riding this for three days. Don't tell him it was liter
Found out my 6 year old has been eating cereal dry without milk and hiding the milk in the back of the fridge because he thinks it's 'not as gross that way.' I don't know whether t
When your kid accidentally drops something and you say 'good thing we bought the hardwood floor version' instead of 'the wood'. Or when you come back from loading the dishwasher an
Nothing, it just waved. My 6 year old groaned so hard he fell off the couch. I'm gonna use this one at work and pretend I came up with it.
My teenager had friends over and I dropped this gem: Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. Dead silence. One of his friends tried to be nice and laughe
Can't put it down. My wife didn't even look up from her phone when I said it. That's how I know I've achieved peak dad joke status. She's immune now.
Today my son rolled his eyes when I said 'I'm not saying I invented the Dad joke, but I was there when the first one was born.' This is the happiest moment of my life. My 9 year ol