The great yogurt spill incident of 2024
My 3 year old knocked over her entire yogurt container at breakfast and it went EVERYWHERE. On the floor, her clothes, the dog, everywhere. Without thinking I said 'Well that's wha
JJosh H.239 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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My 3 year old knocked over her entire yogurt container at breakfast and it went EVERYWHERE. On the floor, her clothes, the dog, everywhere. Without thinking I said 'Well that's wha
I looked in the mirror today and realized I'm wearing khaki shorts, a polo shirt, New Balance sneakers, and white socks pulled up. I look exactly like my own dad did. The transform
You know that moment when your kid finally falls asleep in the car and you're trying SO hard not to make any noise? I literally drove 45 minutes the long way home yesterday to keep
Caught myself saying 'we're not paying for the air conditioning' while my kids had the garage door open. Then I laughed at my own statement for like 5 minutes. My son just stared a
My daughter said she didn't want to go to school today. I said 'Well, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning but here we are.' My wife was NOT amused. She said I'm teaching h
I told him I was looking for a job. He said 'But dad you already have a job, you're my dad.' Tried not to cry in the cereal aisle.
I told him I was just checking if there were any dad jokes in there. He said 'Dad, that's not how this works.' I said 'I know son, but I'm still going to read them anyway.' His eye
My 6yo pointed at a box of Froot Loops and asked 'Dad why do they call it that?' I said 'Because they're fruity shaped loops obviously.' He goes 'No dad, why do they call it Froot
Why is the sky blue? Why do we have toes? Why do dogs have four legs? Why can't I eat ice cream for dinner? At some point I just started making up answers. Yesterday I told my kid
He walks up to me totally serious and says 'Dad why did the chicken go to school?' I'm like 'why?' and he goes 'Because it wanted to get smarter!' Then he just walks away laughing
I've been running out of material and need some fresh ones. My kids have heard all my classics about knock knock jokes and the 'this guy walks into a bar' setup. What are your reli
We're at the grocery store and my 9 year old says she's thirsty. I look right at her and say 'Hi Thirsty, I'm Dad.' The cashier actually laughed but my daughter looked at me like I
I told him I was looking for the chapter on how to be a good dad. He said 'Dad those are just cereal box directions.' I guess that explains a lot about my parenting so far.
My 6 year old asked me if cereal is soup. I said no. My wife said yes. Now we're not talking and my kid thinks I'm an idiot. Pretty sure I lost that one. Anyone else have their ent
Caught a full glass of orange juice mid-air at the dinner table yesterday. Everyone cheered. Then I realized I was just dodging it and it spilled all over my lap instead. Still got
I said I was fixing things. She said you're just standing there looking at tools. She's not wrong but I'm still calling it work. The contemplation phase is crucial to any project e
Asked him why he wasn't using milk. He said he likes the crunch better. I respect the commitment to texture even if it makes me uncomfortable. Later I found him passed out on the c
He asked me if I was leaving forever. I said yeah probably man. He got real quiet and then asked if he could come. I told him someone had to stay and watch his mom. He laughed. I t
I told him I like to keep things consistent. He said that wasn't funny. I said neither is your sense of humor yet, you're only 6. He didn't get it but I got a laugh out of myself w
Doing laundry and found a small rock, two bottle caps, a piece of string, and what I think used to be a sandwich in my son's cargo pants pocket. The fact that he felt the need to s