The milk speech
Had to have a serious talk with my 7yo about why he keeps leaving his milk sitting around. Told him the milk fairy doesn't exist and I'm tired of pouring out chunky surprises. He a
DDaniel R.173 views
13
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Had to have a serious talk with my 7yo about why he keeps leaving his milk sitting around. Told him the milk fairy doesn't exist and I'm tired of pouring out chunky surprises. He a
Because he was outstanding in his field! My 6 year old groan-laughed at this one earlier and I'm riding high on that victory all day.
My kids have been so well behaved today that I legitimately don't know what we did different. Wife and I haven't yelled once, no tantrums, homework got done without a fight, they p
I panicked, we did the whole birds and the bees conversation. Get to the hospital part and she just goes "oh so babies are made in the hospital?" No sweetie they're made at home. S
I told my son that a bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired. Kid actually thought about it for like 30 seconds before groaning and walking away. That 30 seconds of c
I was trying to have a serious talk but he cut me off and said 'Costco, duh.' Apparently they're in the baby aisle. I'm not correcting him, his answer is way better than the actual
My 6 year old refused ice cream yesterday and I asked him why. He said 'Dad, ice cream is too cold for my teeth when they're hot.' I didn't even know his teeth were hot. Kids man.
My wife busted me using the kid's strawberry body wash on my hair in the shower yesterday. I had just grabbed whatever was there. Now she keeps asking why my hair smells like a kin
We spend the first two years teaching our kids to walk and talk. Then we spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up. Pretty wild when you think about it.
I told him I wanted to know what I was doing wrong BEFORE I messed it up. He did not find this funny. I found it hilarious.
My 6 year old said he was cold so I told him to go stand in the corner. He asked why and I said because corners are 90 degrees. My wife did not appreciate this but my kids are stil
A father figure! I'll be here all week folks. Seriously though had my 4 year old laugh at this one today so I think I'm winning at something.
So I'm at Target with my 2 year old and she has what can only be described as a nuclear incident in her diaper. I'm standing there covered in poop trying to figure out how this eve
Just told my kids that the gym is a place where you go to watch other people work out and they actually believed me for a solid 10 seconds. My 8 year old said 'Dad that's the dumbe
Found my 7 year old going through my phone looking at my notes where I keep all my dad jokes. Now he keeps hitting me with 'Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outst
My kids were complaining they were bored so I told them I have a bunch of jobs for them to do around the house. They got real quiet and went to their rooms. Then I yelled 'I was ju
I told him I was just trying to figure out where his off switch is. He did not find it funny. My wife lost it though.
Took my 7 year old to the grocery store and he wanted every single cereal box with a cartoon character. I told him 'You know those mascots are just trying to trick you into wanting
Changed what I thought was a regular diaper explosion on my toddler at the park. Turns out it was EVERYWHERE. My wife says 'looks like you had a real crappy situation there.' I'm s
Been dropping dad jokes on my kids for years and now they're beating me at it. My 6 year old told me 'I'm reading a book about anti gravity, it's impossible to put down!' I didn't