Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Took my 8 year old to the grocery store and he goes 'Dad why did the cookie go to the doctor?' I set myself up and asked why. He says 'Because it felt crumbly!' Then he laughed so
I walked into the kitchen still in my gym clothes from yesterday and my kid looks at me and goes 'Dad are you a magician? Because every time you go to the gym you disappear and com
I told him real men don't need instructions. Two hours later I'm calling my wife asking how to assemble the IKEA bookshelf. He walked by and just shook his head at me. Pretty sure
Even better, the friend actually laughed. I think I'm finally getting my audience. My wife says that just means the friend has low standards but whatever, I'll take the W.
They were so hyped until we got there and they realized it wasn't that kind of bank. The look on their faces was priceless. Now I'm the bad guy for 'lying' to them.
Because he was outstanding in his field. My 6yo groaned so hard. Mission accomplished.
When did this happen? I have like 8 pairs of dinosaur socks and one pair of black. My kids think this is hilarious. Yesterday my son said my feet matched his better than his mom's
I told him I wanted to know what the box said because it was a surprise. He looked at me like I had three heads. Then I realized I was reading the cereal box at 6am still half asle
Last week took my 5 year old to a decent place. He spent 20 minutes explaining to the waiter how his action figure could defeat the waiter's grandmother. The waiter was not amused.
One minute you're a normal adult and the next you're analyzing the exact shade and consistency of something that came out of a tiny human. You're also doing it in public sometimes.
I said because your mom thinks they're funny. He looked at me confused and said 'No she doesn't, she literally leaves the room.' Guess the joke's on me.
I told her my son was at that phase where he refuses to eat anything green. She just scanned my items. I added 'At least he gets his stubbornness from his mother.' Still nothing. W
We're going to be huge. Just waiting for a cover.
I told him it's a dad reflex. He said 'that's not funny' and I said 'I know, that's why I'm telling it.' He walked away shaking his head. Mission accomplished.
I was buying bananas and I said 'I guess you could say I'm going ape.' She just stared at me and scanned them. My 6 year old was dying laughing though. That's all that matters righ
Daughter: 'Dad I'm hungry.' Me: 'Hi Hungry, I'm Dad.' Son immediately says 'I'm tired of this.' Wife just looked at me like why are you like this. Best morning ever honestly.
I'm never going to recover from this. Changed my 4 month old's diaper this morning, turned my back for literally 3 seconds to throw it away, and somehow he managed to poop on himse
So my 8 year old daughter figured out what puns are yesterday. Now she won't stop. At dinner she asked for 'lettuce' to be added to her plate. When I said we don't have lettuce she
Every single day at 2pm I try to convince my kids that naptime is 'nap time' not 'destroy the house while being weird time' but apparently I'm fluent in a language nobody else spea
Been playing Minecraft with my kids for months and my 6 year old now thinks real life has creative mode. Yesterday he asked why he couldn't respawn when he fell off the jungle gym.