The bedtime negotiation is real
My 4 year old tried to tell me he needs exactly 7 more minutes of play time before bed because he's 'still 3 in kid minutes'. When I said no he goes 'Dad that's not very math of yo
EEd R.141 views
35
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
894 threads
My 4 year old tried to tell me he needs exactly 7 more minutes of play time before bed because he's 'still 3 in kid minutes'. When I said no he goes 'Dad that's not very math of yo
Watched my kids pretend to be secret agents for two hours straight yesterday. They had hand signals, code names, a whole base set up in the living room. At one point my 5 year old
So my 6 year old knocked on the bathroom door while I was belting out some terrible rendition of Bon Jovi. He goes 'Dad why are you yelling at the water'. I told him I was singing
At his soccer game last weekend he told some kid that he was reading a book on anti-gravity and he couldn't put it down. That's MY joke. I taught him too well. The other parents la
She asked why the sun goes to sleep every night. I told her it gets tired just like she does. Then she goes, 'But Daddy, if the sun is tired, how come it never takes naps?' I had n
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. My 6yo groaned but then spent the next hour making variations of it. Pretty sure that means I've won at
Yesterday I found myself standing in the kitchen saying 'Please stop using the cat as a sled' with the same tired tone I probably use for everything else now. Then today my son ask
An nap-sack
My 4 year old spilled juice all over himself and looked at me dead serious and said "I think I'm gonna need a new body now." So I told him they're out of stock at the store. He bel
I told him it's genetic. He didn't laugh at that one either.
Tell a joke, kids groan, wife rolls her eyes, you feel 10 feet tall. I made a joke about my wife's cooking being hot yesterday and got all three reactions. Literally made my whole
Changed my newborn this morning and apparently all the laws of physics don't apply to baby poop. Got it on my shirt, my jeans, and somehow on the ceiling fan. My wife walked in and
So I told my son 'you're driving me crazy' and he goes 'good thing you're already parked in the driveway.' I just sat there. That's my material. He's weaponizing my own jokes again
He asked why I was flexing. I told him I was just making sure my muscles were still there. He said 'Dad, I think you're looking for them in the wrong place' and walked away laughin
I told him 'Because I need to know how to put this together.' He goes 'Dad, you never read instructions.' Got me there kid. He's absolutely right. I've assembled approximately 47 p
I made my classic 'I'm not a regular dad, I'm a cool dad' joke while driving them to soccer practice and they just stared at me in silence. My oldest actually said 'Please stop.' T
A gummy bear. My 4 year old laughed so hard she spit out her juice. Worth it.
I was just sitting on the couch for like five minutes of peace and he thinks I'm a broken robot. He's not totally wrong though.
He heard someone had stolen a base. My 6 year old groaned so loud the neighbors asked if we were okay. That's when you know you've succeeded as a dad.
Changed my son and told my wife 'Well that's one way to paint the nursery walls' as poop was literally everywhere. She did not find it funny at the time but now we joke about it. P