My kid asked me if I was a magician
I said no why? He said because whenever you go to work my mom says you disappear. I'm sleeping on the couch now but the joke landed perfectly.
MMarcus226 views
26
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
I said no why? He said because whenever you go to work my mom says you disappear. I'm sleeping on the couch now but the joke landed perfectly.
I said because he's going places. He's 6 and he still doesn't get it but my wife groaned so I know it was a good one.
Took my kids to Chipotle and my 4 year old comes out of the bathroom yelling DAD I POOPED SO LOUD. The entire restaurant heard. I just smiled and pretended I didn't know him. Prett
The other day my 8 year old poked my belly and asked what it was. I told him it was a fuel tank for a love machine. He said Dad that's gross and told his mom. Worth it.
Someone asked me how I stay awake with three kids under 5. I told them it's simple really. I just drink coffee until I can't feel my face, then I drink some more. Works every time.
He wanted cold hard cash. My 7yo didn't laugh but my wife groaned so loud the neighbors heard it. Mission accomplished.
My son asked why I was reading the cereal box at breakfast. I told him it said 'Made in China' and I was looking for the instructions. He's still mad I won't explain what that mean
Managed to convince my kids that Brussels sprouts are just baby cabbages. They asked why we don't eat baby lettuce, baby carrots, etc. I've created a monster. But hey they ate thei
I told my kids that I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and I can't put it down. My 5yo actually believed me and spent 20 minutes trying to read upside down. My 12yo just rolled
Because he was outstanding in his field! I told this to my 6 year old and he groaned so hard I thought he was gonna throw up. Pretty sure that means I nailed it.
I said a trumpet. He stared at me for like 5 seconds then walked away. My wife laughed though so I'm calling it a win.
I was in the checkout line yesterday with my 2 year old and I literally felt it happen. The smell hit me like a wave. One of those massive blowouts that goes up the back and down t
So I'm at Target yesterday with my 2 year old in the cart, everything's going smoothly, we're just buying diapers of all things, and then it happens. Absolute code brown situation.
My daughter asked me yesterday if I was a superhero. I said 'no sweetie, why?' She goes 'because you don't sleep.' I about lost it. That's the most accurate thing anyone's ever sai
He asked me why I was reading the newspaper. I said 'to stay informed.' He goes 'Dad, you have your phone.' Then he asks if I want to hear a joke and before I can say yes he's like
A joke has a punchline. Just kidding, I actually love this life. But seriously my kids asked me to stop making parent jokes and I said fine but then I said that's a hard pass becau
I was in Target grabbing diapers and my 4 year old sees all the different brands and goes 'Dad why are there so many butts?' I literally had to leave and come back later because I
Nothing beats that sound of your kid's combined groan when you hit them with a good dad joke. Like today my 10 year old asked what time it was and I said 'time to get a watch' and
I told him I'm just trying to raise the bar. He groaned so hard. Mission accomplished.
I told him I wanted to make sure I did fatherhood right. He said 'Dad, you've been winging it for 8 years.' I can't argue with that logic.