The ongoing battle with bedtime
My kids keep asking for one more thing. Water, bathroom, another hug, their other stuffed animal. Last night I said 'I'm running a hotel and you guys keep requesting room service.'
TTim K.207 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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My kids keep asking for one more thing. Water, bathroom, another hug, their other stuffed animal. Last night I said 'I'm running a hotel and you guys keep requesting room service.'
You know the one. Looking at something on the bottom shelf and just squatting instead of bending over like a normal person. My wife walked by and said 'here we go' and a random dad
I laughed so hard at my own joke this morning that I woke up my kids. I told them I had the perfect setup for a dad joke and they all groaned before I even said it. So naturally I
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. My 8 year old rolled his eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck. My 5 year old laughed though and that
I ordered pizza for the kids' lunch yesterday. Two pepperonis, one cheese. My 7 year old took one bite of the cheese pizza and said it was ruined because it didn't have pepperoni.
So my 6 year old asks me in the checkout line why the store has a family restroom. I said because families need to go to the bathroom together sometimes. He goes 'but dad you never
I told him I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. He just stared at me. Mission accomplished.
Someone who really knows how to turnip the beet. My kids are already groaning at me and they're not even home from school yet. Worth it.
I asked my son why he wasn't eating his vegetables and he said "Dad you complain about eating them too so why should I?" Got absolutely wrecked by a 9 year old. Wife thought it was
Caught myself saying "We're not paying for the AC so you can cool down the whole neighborhood" while my kids had the garage door open. That's almost word for word what my dad said
Because he was outstanding in his field! My 5 year old told me this one yesterday and laughed so hard he almost fell off his chair. I pretended I had never heard it before.
I was cooking dinner and asked my son if he wanted to help. He looked at my apron and said 'no thanks dad, you're doing fine by yourself... at burning things.' This kid is 4. FOUR.
I told him it's because I'm a dad. He said 'but dad, you weren't born that way.' I said 'exactly, I had to dad-apt.' He groaned so hard I think I heard him roll his eyes from anoth
Salesman asked him if he had any hobbies. My son said 'yeah, taking off my shoes and hiding them where my dad can't find them.' I had to laugh even though it was 100% accurate. Tha
He asked why I was laughing alone in the kitchen. I said "I'm just enjoying some me-time with my sense of humor." He left the room shaking his head. That's when I knew I'd made it
Kid scores a goal and I yell out "That was gouda defense by the other team!" My wife just stared at me. The other parents pretended not to hear me. Worth it though.
I bought lettuce and said "lettuce have a great day!" She literally groaned out loud. Felt like I leveled up my dad joke game. My 8yo was mortified standing next to me.
I told him it's in my contract. He didn't laugh. I said don't worry, you'll understand when you're older. He said "Dad, that's the problem."
She's not wrong. Yesterday I made a joke about the water park being 'un-TIDE-lievable' and my 8 year old actually apologized to his mom for having me as a dad. But then at dinner h
Went to get milk and cereal this morning. My 4 year old sees a sign that says 'Fresh Baked Bread' and loudly asks 'Why is the bread taking a bath?' Then he wouldn't stop laughing a