My son roasted me in front of his friends
He was showing his buddies my old high school photo and I walked in. One kid goes 'Whoa you used to have hair!' and my son just says 'Yeah, it ran away because of the bad jokes.' I
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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He was showing his buddies my old high school photo and I walked in. One kid goes 'Whoa you used to have hair!' and my son just says 'Yeah, it ran away because of the bad jokes.' I
My 5 year old pointed at the condoms and asked loudly 'Dad what are those for?' I said 'Uh, protecting things' and he goes 'Like how you protect your phone?' The lady behind us los
They're selling discount cards to local restaurants. My daughter asked if I wanted to buy one. I said 'Maybe, what restaurants are on it?' She goes 'There's a Olive Garden.' I got
Because he wanted to cover his bases. I absolutely destroyed my kids with this one at breakfast this morning. My 6 year old groaned SO hard.
I casually mentioned his digital watch was running 5 minutes ahead. Asked why he thought I'd lie about something like that. He asked if I was sure. I said 'Would I dad to you?' He
Wife made tacos for dinner. I looked at my 8yo and said 'you know what they call a fake taco in Mexico?' He fell for it. 'What?' I said 'a SHELL game.' My daughter groaned so loud
I told him it's genetic. He said that's not how genetics work. I said exactly, now you're understanding my sense of humor.
My son was pretending to be me at breakfast, sitting with terrible posture, drinking coffee and saying 'well actually' before every sentence to his action figures. Then he stood up
Took my 4 year old to the store and she asked why the bananas were yellow. I said "because they haven't seen us yet, once they do they'll turn brown from the fear." She believed me
I said "food" and she literally stared at me for 30 seconds like I had three heads. Apparently that's not a valid answer anymore. When did I become the enemy?
My son said he was cold so I said "go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees." He didn't laugh. My wife laughed though so that counts as a win in my book. The fact that he groaned me
He goes, 'Dad why did the cookie go to the doctor?' I say 'I don't know buddy why?' He says 'Because it felt crumbly!' I absolutely lost it and he was so proud of himself. He's bee
A Dad joke.
Used to just grab whatever ice cream looked good. Now I stand there for 5 minutes because my daughter wants the one that 'matches her backpack' and my son needs to make sure we hav
He was completely serious the whole time. Building this crazy tower situation. I asked him what it was and he goes 'Dad this is a Lego-tomy clinic.' I stared at him for a full 10 s
I told my kids I was reading a book about anti-gravity. I said I couldnt put it down. My 7yo stared at me for a full 10 seconds before rolling his eyes. Mission accomplished. Those
Took my 3yo into the mens room at Target and he starts yelling DADDY WHY DO YOU HAVE A BUTT HOLE IN YOUR PANTS at the top of his lungs. So apparently he thought my fly was a defect
Wife asked me to pick up toilet paper and I came home with 12 rolls. She said we only needed 4 packs. I said yeah but what if there's a rush? Shes still mad at me. I thought I was
Filmed my daughters entire dance recital in 4K last month and kept trying to show people at work. My buddy finally told me nobody cares about other peoples kids dancing. I was just
My wife asked me why I keep making terrible puns around the kids. I told her it's because it's a playing field and you gotta work with what you got. She left the room. I'll be here