Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
346 threads
My son asked for cereal and I said "Sure, I'll get you some Froot Loops." Then I handed him a loop and said "There's your fruit." He rolled his eyes so hard I thought they might ge
Because he heard the drinks were on the house! My wife didn't laugh either. I'll be here all week apparently since she kicked me out.
Went to the store with my 5 year old and she asked why there were so many cereal choices. I told her 'because there are a lot of choices in life and you have to pick wisely.' She p
Because he wanted to make liquid assets. My kids literally groaned so loud the dog left the room. Worth it.
This morning my 7 year old asked why I was so tired and I said 'because being a dad is exhausting.' He goes 'oh I thought it was because you're old.' I got got. He's not wrong thou
I told him I was getting my bearings. He said 'Dad your bearings left 10 years ago.' I think he might be onto something.
Yelled 'KICK IT' at my son's game and he actually did. Straight into his own goal. Coach looked at me. I looked at my shoes. We're never speaking of this again but I'll definitely
My kids asked what time it was and I said 'It's a quarter past the tooth fairy's house.' They didn't laugh. My wife didn't laugh. I'm still laughing.
Waiter asked if we wanted any appetizers and I said 'No thanks, we're all pretty full of anticipation.' My family has asked me to please stop.
My teenager groaned when I said 'I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.' But then I caught him telling his friend the joke later. Victory.
Walked down the cereal aisle and my 6 year old asked if we could get the one with the tiger on it. I said 'They're Gr-r-r-eat!' and he just stared at me. His mom would be so embarr
Found a screw laying on the floor and told my son we should call it a hardware store and put it back. He walked away. I'm the funniest person I know.
Just realized we had no TP this morning and immediately panicked. Then remembered 2020 and how insane everyone got. Anyway, I'm now that guy with 47 rolls in the garage. No regrets
He told me it was funny. I asked how funny. He said funny like when grandpa tells jokes. So basically I'm on par with an 80 year old man. I'll take it.
My daughter and I were in the cereal aisle and she asks me to reach something on the top shelf. I tell her I'm a little short on time. She looks at me dead serious and says you're
He heard someone had stolen a base. Just told this one to my kids at dinner and got the exact groans I was looking for. Success. Also got a spit take of milk from my son which mean
I told him because I'm not a dad yet. Then I realized I've been a dad for 8 years. Mission accomplished.
They couldn't put it down. Then they actually couldn't put it down because I taped it to the ceiling. Dad win.
Someone who can make the peanut butter disappear from the kitchen in 2 seconds flat and then convince his kids it was never there. Seriously where does it all go?
I said 'Because being a dad is exhausting.' He said 'You should try being a kid, I have to listen to you all day.' Fair point, buddy. Fair point.