The grocery store incident
Took the kids to the store today and my 6 year old asked why the peanut butter was in the middle of the aisle instead of on the shelf. I said 'Because someone didn't put it back.'
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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Took the kids to the store today and my 6 year old asked why the peanut butter was in the middle of the aisle instead of on the shelf. I said 'Because someone didn't put it back.'
I actually caught myself telling my kid a completely genuine, unprompted dad joke yesterday. I said 'You know why the scarecrow won an award? Because he was outstanding in his fiel
My 7yo asked me today why I keep telling the same jokes over and over. I said 'Because every time I tell them you laugh like its the first time you've heard them.' He just rolled h
Attempted to drop some 'hip' dad humor at lunch with my kids and their friends. Said something about their slang being 'sus' and apparently Ive now permanently mortified them all.
Because he heard the drinks were on the house! My kids groaned so hard when I told them this one at breakfast. Mission accomplished.
So my 6 year old asks me 'Dad why are you called dad?' and I'm thinking this is some philosophical moment. Nope. He goes 'Because you're bad at jokes?' I have never been so roasted
Kid runs into the door frame at full speed and starts crying. I ask him what happened and he goes 'The door got in my way!' Sir, the door was not moving. You were. Anyway told him
Which honestly just fuels me to tell more. Told one at dinner last night and my whole family groaned in unison like they'd practiced it. That's actually a win in my book. The worse
Went to the store today and the cashier asked if I found everything okay. I said 'Yeah, everything except the aisle with cheaper prices.' He just looked at me. My 9 year old actual
She comes up to me and asks 'Dad why did the cookie go to the doctor?' I bite, ask her why. She says 'Because it felt crumbly!' I don't think I've ever been more proud. She got it
Like how a 45 minute trip to Home Depot to grab one thing somehow turns into $200 and 3 hours. Or how you can take a sick day and still end up doing yard work the whole time. Or th
I told him I was just looking at the pictures. He's 8 and already knows I never read them. Why did I even pretend?
He said it was too cheesy. I said son that's literally the only good part and that's coming from a guy who named you in the group chat. He still didn't laugh.
My daughter said she was reading a book about anti-gravity. I told her I couldn't put it down. She rolled her eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck. Mission accomplished.
My 10 year old said Dad you already told us that joke last week. So I said well I guess you could say it's a RE-run. My wife pretended not to hear me. My son walked out of the room
Was at the grocery store with my 8 month old when he had what I can only describe as a Code Brown situation. It was EVERYWHERE. Up his back, down his legs, all over my shirt. Some
He said: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? I had no idea so he says: Because it felt crumbly! Then he laughed so hard he fell off the couch. Kids jokes are the best because th
My wife hates my cargo shorts but I will die on this hill. Fifteen pockets means I can carry everything I need for a day with my kids without a backpack. Snacks, first aid kit, pho
Because he heard someone had stolen a base. My 8 year old told me to stop but I saw him smiling so I'm counting that as a win.
I was at the grocery store and saw a guy struggling with his toddler in the produce section. The kid was melting down over something. I walked past and said 'Don't worry, it gets e