Why did my son think I was a magician?
I told him I was going to make his vegetables disappear. Turns out he just threw them under the table. Mission accomplished? Either way, he fell for it and that's what matters.
CCole B.381 views
10
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
80 threads
I told him I was going to make his vegetables disappear. Turns out he just threw them under the table. Mission accomplished? Either way, he fell for it and that's what matters.
I swear I used to have hobbies and interests before kids. Now all I do is make dad jokes, talk about sleep schedules, and argue about which brand of diapers is better. I saw my old
Do other dads get genuinely excited about new BBQ rubs or am I officially old? I spent 45 minutes reading reviews on smoker thermometers yesterday and felt like a kid on Christmas
Called them 'dinosaur food' and told her she needed to get strong like a T-Rex. She demolished a plate of broccoli in like 3 minutes. My wife is mad because now I'm responsible for
Literally made a joke about socks going missing in the dryer and I started cracking up before I even finished the punchline. My whole family just stared at me. I am now the guy who
Kid: Dad I'm cold Me: Nice to meet you cold, I'm dad Kid: That doesn't even make sense Me: Exactly He groaned so hard I thought something was wrong. Perfect execution if you ask m
My son keeps trying to one-up my jokes and honestly half of them don't even make sense but I'm so proud I'm considering recording them. Like today he said 'why did the banana go to
My kid dropped a full glass of milk at dinner and before I even thought about it my hand was there. Caught it clean. Didn't spill a drop. My wife looked at me like I grew a second
Been there 8 years and finally made senior manager. Honestly I was so tired from being up at 2am with the baby that I almost forgot about the interview. Pulled it together though a
This is what parenthood does to you. My brain is fried. I had the phone pressed to my ear the whole time. My oldest watched the whole thing without saying anything. Why would she h
Kid asked why the bananas were green and I said 'because they haven't seen the sun enough' and now he wants to take them outside for tanning sessions. I've created a monster. This
My son made it through an entire soccer game today without complaining about being tired. Do you understand how huge this is? We're talking about a kid who says he's exhausted afte
Real talk though, I used to be pretty fit before kids. Now I'm carrying like 30 extra pounds and honestly? I don't hate it as much as I thought I would. There's something freeing a
Like yeah I roughhouse with them and watch cartoons but I also pay the mortgage and the car insurance so technically I'm like a half parent at least right? She just shakes her head
Dollar store headphones. I bought like 10 pairs. Now whenever my kids start fighting I just hand them each a pair and tell them to watch something on a tablet. Silence. Pure bliss.
Seriously, I went to the store yesterday and a box of Fruity Pebbles was almost $6. SIX DOLLARS. I remember getting cereal for like $2. Now my kids go through a box in two days and
I just spent $280 on school supplies for three kids and I don't even know where half of it went. Like what is a 'dry erase pocket' and why does my 7yo need four of them? I'm convin
This might sound small but I'm celebrating this win hard. Both asleep by 8:15pm. That means I have almost an hour before I pass out too. Already got my dad snacks ready and I'm not
If you haven't tried letting your kid pick one item at the store while blindfolded, you're missing out on pure chaos. My son grabbed a rotisserie chicken and a box of fruit roll up
Not actually leaving obviously but she was like 'if you say one more pun I'm taking the kids and going to your mothers house.' So naturally I said 'why would you do that, I'm on a