Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
346 threads
My 4 year old spilled juice all over himself and looked at me dead serious and said "I think I'm gonna need a new body now." So I told him they're out of stock at the store. He bel
I told him it's genetic. He didn't laugh at that one either.
Tell a joke, kids groan, wife rolls her eyes, you feel 10 feet tall. I made a joke about my wife's cooking being hot yesterday and got all three reactions. Literally made my whole
Changed my newborn this morning and apparently all the laws of physics don't apply to baby poop. Got it on my shirt, my jeans, and somehow on the ceiling fan. My wife walked in and
So I told my son 'you're driving me crazy' and he goes 'good thing you're already parked in the driveway.' I just sat there. That's my material. He's weaponizing my own jokes again
He asked why I was flexing. I told him I was just making sure my muscles were still there. He said 'Dad, I think you're looking for them in the wrong place' and walked away laughin
I told him 'Because I need to know how to put this together.' He goes 'Dad, you never read instructions.' Got me there kid. He's absolutely right. I've assembled approximately 47 p
I made my classic 'I'm not a regular dad, I'm a cool dad' joke while driving them to soccer practice and they just stared at me in silence. My oldest actually said 'Please stop.' T
A gummy bear. My 4 year old laughed so hard she spit out her juice. Worth it.
I was just sitting on the couch for like five minutes of peace and he thinks I'm a broken robot. He's not totally wrong though.
He heard someone had stolen a base. My 6 year old groaned so loud the neighbors asked if we were okay. That's when you know you've succeeded as a dad.
Changed my son and told my wife 'Well that's one way to paint the nursery walls' as poop was literally everywhere. She did not find it funny at the time but now we joke about it. P
She asked me 'Why don't scientists trust atoms?' and I said I dunno. She goes 'Because they make up everything' and I was so proud but also this means she's just gonna steal all my
He points at the poster about nutrition and goes 'Dad why does it say you should eat a balanced diet, I thought we ate at a table?' I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.
Told my 8 year old 'I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down' and he literally googled it to see if that's how anti-gravity works. The joke explaining jus
I said 'because you're always on it pad' and walked away before she could respond. Her eye roll was absolutely legendary. I'm pretty sure she's plotting against me.
Got those perfect grill marks on my steaks tonight and my family acted like I just invented fire. My wife said I was more excited about the meat than I was about her birthday gift.
I see food and I eat it. Been using this one since the 90s and my teenagers still roll their eyes every single time. That's when you know it's a classic.
It got mugged. My kids literally groaned out loud at breakfast when I said this one. I'm pretty sure that's how you know it's a quality dad joke.
So I'm lying there on the couch supposedly watching the kids while they're supposed to be napping and I fall asleep. Wake up to my daughter standing right next to my face just star