Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was already stuffed! My 4 year old told me this one at breakfast and I lost it. The way he delivered the punchline with that serious face. I think I've created a monste
GGreg W.149 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
684 threads
Because she was already stuffed! My 4 year old told me this one at breakfast and I lost it. The way he delivered the punchline with that serious face. I think I've created a monste
His teacher sent home a worksheet where kids fill in jokes and this absolute masterpiece was on there: 'What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!' My man is out here workshopp
So I'm at Kroger with my 6 and 8 year old. My youngest points at the rotisserie chickens and goes 'Dad why are those chickens in jail?' I said 'what do you mean buddy' and he's lik
She came home from school and told me I embarrassed her at pickup by waving at her friends. I said 'Well at least I'm not as bad as your mom, she embarrasses us all the time.' My w
He heard someone had stolen a base. Seriously though, I took my boys to their first game yesterday and they were way more interested in the nachos than the actual sport. Still coun
I was making breakfast and 'Don't Stop Believin' came on. Next thing I know the kids are laughing at me and my wife is shaking her head. The saddest part? I wasn't even embarrassed
I told him it's a genetic thing. He's not laughing yet but give it 10 years and he'll understand the pain he's about to inflict on his own kids. It's the circle of dad.
A gummy bear. My kids groaned so hard when I said this one at breakfast this morning. Mission accomplished.
My 7yo actually laughed at this one which means I'm officially the funniest person alive. Don't worry I already know I peaked today.
Why is it that the second I get out of the shower and put on clean clothes my son decides he needs help with something that requires me to get completely dirty again? Yesterday I g
I said I was just giving them a little motivation. You could say I'm trying to help them grow. She didn't laugh. She never laughs at my jokes but my kids do and that's all that mat
Changed my toddler's diaper this morning and it literally went up to his neck. We're talking full exorcist situation. Had to throw his outfit away, wash him down like he was a car,
Kid asks me 'Why did the coffee file a police report?' I have no idea so I ask. He says 'Because it got mugged!' Then he laughs at his own joke for like 5 minutes. I've been beaten
So I'm at my daughter's school pickup and I'm making small talk with another dad. His kid walks up and I say 'Hey buddy, you must be exhausted from school!' He looks confused and I
Was eating goldfish crackers with my toddler and he keeps pointing at them saying 'They're not smiling Dad.' So I tell him 'Maybe they're just concentrating on not getting eaten.'
To tell the same joke 47 times a day and never get tired of the punchline. My kids have heard my 'Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!' joke approxima
My 6 year old asks me why I'm looking at a map instead of using my phone GPS. I tell him 'Because real men don't ask for directions, we just explore.' He says 'Dad, you've been dri
Finally reached the point where I can tell my kids are laughing WITH me instead of AT me when I make jokes. Pretty sure I heard my 10 year old groan-laugh at one of my puns yesterd
Because he heard someone had stolen a base.
I told my son I had to go to the bank to check my balance. He goes "But dad you have really good balance I saw you trip on nothing yesterday." I got got by my own kid. Worth it tho