My kid asked me why I named him Miles
I said because he was born 9 months after a road trip. He did not laugh. My wife did not laugh. I'm still laughing.
MMichael190 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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I said because he was born 9 months after a road trip. He did not laugh. My wife did not laugh. I'm still laughing.
I said nah man I'm just here to pick up milk and eggs. She looked confused. Took me 20 minutes to realize she meant plastic bags not the actual bags under my eyes from 3am feedings
At least I know it's mine and not the baby's for once. Silver linings.
I was making sandwiches and said 'lettuce pray before we eat this lunch.' My 7 year old actually groaned at it which I guess means I'm winning? The 4 year old had no idea what was
So my newborn managed to somehow get poop up to his neck this morning. Like I don't even understand the physics of it. My wife took a picture and sent it to our group chat with 'yo
Today my daughter asked what's for dinner and I said 'food.' She was not amused. Then I told her she should be grateful because some kids don't have anything to eat. She said 'yeah
My daughter asked why I'm bald. I said 'Because I have so many things on my mind that my hair got tired and left.' She literally told me that was the worst joke she'd ever heard. B
Was shopping with my 7yo and he asks if we can get Fruity Pebbles. I said 'Sure, but only if you can handle the truth.' He looks at me confused so I go 'The truth is... your mom al
I told him the show got cancelled and he looked devastated so I said 'Nah just kidding, it's still on. I'm just bingo in real life.' He had no idea what I was talking about but he
I told my 9yo some classic dad jokes at dinner. Nothing original. He looked at me and was like 'Dad those jokes are so bad they're from when you were young.' ROASTED by my own kid.
We were talking about going to the zoo and I said 'I'm looking forward to it, sounds like a real roaring good time.' My 4yo literally gasped and goes 'Dad that was a JOKE joke!' Li
6yo came up to me this morning and said 'Dad why did the cookie go to the doctor?' I said I don't know buddy. He goes 'because it felt crumbly!' and just LOST IT laughing at his ow
My 8yo asked why I was laughing so hard and I told him 'I just came up with a good one.' Told him 'What do you call a sleeping bull? Bulldozer.' I then had to listen to my son expl
I told him I was looking for a way to return him. He didn't laugh but my wife did. Pretty sure I'm winning at this parenting thing.
Knock knock. Who's there. Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow w-- MOOOOO. He's been doing this for 3 days straight and I'm losing it but also I can't stop laughing. Send help and ea
Had to have a serious talk with my 7yo about why he keeps leaving his milk sitting around. Told him the milk fairy doesn't exist and I'm tired of pouring out chunky surprises. He a
Because he was outstanding in his field! My 6 year old groan-laughed at this one earlier and I'm riding high on that victory all day.
My kids have been so well behaved today that I legitimately don't know what we did different. Wife and I haven't yelled once, no tantrums, homework got done without a fight, they p
I panicked, we did the whole birds and the bees conversation. Get to the hospital part and she just goes "oh so babies are made in the hospital?" No sweetie they're made at home. S
I told my son that a bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired. Kid actually thought about it for like 30 seconds before groaning and walking away. That 30 seconds of c