My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo
I had to put my foot down.
MMarcus174 views
16
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
684 threads
I had to put my foot down.
Was at the grocery store with my 4yo and he points at the rotisserie chickens and goes "Dad why are they all just sitting there spinning?" So I tell him they're on a ferris wheel.
I told my son a joke the other day and he just stared at me and said 'Dad that's not funny.' Kid, you're six. You laugh at your own reflection. But then I realized he might be righ
Because he was outstanding in his field! My kids are officially groaning at my jokes now instead of laughing. I've reached peak dad status. Mission accomplished.
My 14 year old was having friends over so I decided to be the cool dad and order pizza. When it arrived I did that thing where you open the box and go 'Who ordered the pizza?' in a
Because it felt crumbly! My 6 year old groaned so hard when I told her this at breakfast. Worth it.
So my son had a blowout at target last week and it went EVERYWHERE. I'm talking up his back, down his legs, on my favorite shirt. I just stood there in the middle of the aisle look
Knock knock. Who's there. Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh-- MOOOOO. They absolutely lost it. Been doing this same joke for 2 years and they laugh harder every time. This is p
Caught my toddler mid-fall from the couch today with one hand while holding my coffee in the other. Didn't spill a drop. I felt like a superhero for like 3 seconds then he immediat
I told him it's because I'm a dad. He said that doesn't make it funny. I said well it doesn't have to be good to be a dad joke, that's the whole point! He rolled his eyes so hard I
Wife sent me to get milk and eggs. I come back with a rotisserie chicken too because it smelled amazing. She asked why I bought it when we didn't need it. I said well the chicken w
Stepping on a lego brick at 2am while getting water. No, actually worse: stepping on a lego brick at 2am while your kid is crying and you're walking around the dark house trying no
My 4 year old saw me making coffee this morning and asked why I was making 'dad juice.' Apparently that's what he thinks coffee is now because I'm always drinking it. So now whenev
Tired. My buddy just had quads and I told him this joke. His response was just a blank stare and then he asked me to leave so he could sit in silence for 15 minutes. I think I've n
So I set up the perfect scenario to tell my kid a knock knock joke and he completely derailed it by asking if knock knock was a bad guy from Batman. Spent the next 20 minutes expla
Got excited about a new tool at the hardware store and spent 45 minutes explaining to my kid why a cordless impact driver was 'really cool' and 'so powerful.' He just stared at me.
I said 'it's dinner time' and he goes 'no dad that's not a time' and I was like 'well it is in this house buddy.' My wife didn't laugh but I thought it was gold.
Because it felt crumbly. My kids absolutely hate this joke but I keep telling it anyway. That's the dad life right there.
Caught my 5 year old drawing on the bathroom mirror with a marker this morning. I'm standing there trying not to lose it and he looks up at me real serious and goes 'don't worry da
My 6 year old asked the cashier if the bananas were ripe. I said 'no they're just going through a phase.' My wife walked away from me. Worth it.