Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Doctor asked my 4 year old if his tummy hurt. He said yes. I said 'Well that's concerning, looks like you've got a serious case of the TOY STORE BLUES.' Wife gave me that look. Doc
Caught myself saying 'we're not paying to heat the whole neighborhood' when my son left his door open, and then I laughed at my own joke for a solid 30 seconds. My wife gave me tha
I told him I wanted to know what NOT to do. He just stared at me. Pretty sure he gets his sense of humor from his mother.
I said yeah but I'm still looking for my will to live and a reason to eat vegetables. She didn't laugh. My 6 year old thought it was hilarious though, which means it's officially a
A gummy bear. Told this to my 4 year old this morning and he groaned so hard I think he sprained something. Mission accomplished.
I told him 'Because I'm making dinner' and he goes 'No dad I mean why are you CRYING about onions?' Guess he's been paying attention to me complaining about life. Still laughing ab
My son asked what's for breakfast. I said 'Well it's either cereal or nothing because I'm not making anything else.' He didn't laugh. My wife groaned and left the room. I consider
Went to get milk and eggs. Came home with milk, eggs, 3 boxes of cereal my kids will forget about, snacks I don't remember picking up, and somehow a rotisserie chicken. My wife ask
Set up this whole thing about what happened at work, built it up real good, and right when I'm getting to the punchline my 5 year old stands up and announces he has to poop. Comple
I said 'why' and he goes 'because whenever I want to tell you something, you disappear.' Absolutely got roasted by my 8 year old. I wasn't even doing anything, just in the bathroom
My son asked me why I'm always on my phone. I said I'm working. He goes 'no you're not, you're scrolling and laughing at memes.' Can't even argue with that logic. That's my parenti
Tried to use TikTok slang in front of my teenagers today. Said something was 'bussin' and they just stared at me in complete silence. Then my 14 year old whispered to his sister 'w
Took my daughter grocery shopping yesterday and she grabbed a box of Lucky Charms. I told her 'those are just regular oats with diabetes added.' She looked at me dead serious and s
Apparently saying "I'm on a roll" every morning while making toast is grounds for divorce. Also "lettuce have a nice day" at lunch and "orange you glad we're eating dinner" at nigh
I told him it's a fatherhood requirement. He didn't laugh. I think he's already mastered the eye roll before age 7. I'm so proud.
My 5 year old was asking what the weather was doing and I said "It's raining cats and dogs." Without missing a beat he asked "Are the cats landing on their feet?" I've never been s
Because he wanted to see time fly when you're having fun. My 7 year old groaned so hard I thought he pulled something. Worth it.
I told him I like to know how to use my new tools BEFORE something explodes. He asked what could possibly go wrong. I'm not sure how to explain that his existence is proof of my po
I'm now at the age where I get genuinely excited about a good sale at the grocery store and my kids think I'm insane. Spent 15 minutes yesterday telling my oldest about the deal I
I told him it's because I'm a dad. He said that's not a real reason. I said well I guess you could say my logic is pretty... paternal. He groaned so hard I think he hurt himself. M