Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
890 threads
I was trying to have a serious talk but he cut me off and said 'Costco, duh.' Apparently they're in the baby aisle. I'm not correcting him, his answer is way better than the actual
My 6 year old refused ice cream yesterday and I asked him why. He said 'Dad, ice cream is too cold for my teeth when they're hot.' I didn't even know his teeth were hot. Kids man.
My wife busted me using the kid's strawberry body wash on my hair in the shower yesterday. I had just grabbed whatever was there. Now she keeps asking why my hair smells like a kin
We spend the first two years teaching our kids to walk and talk. Then we spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up. Pretty wild when you think about it.
I told him I wanted to know what I was doing wrong BEFORE I messed it up. He did not find this funny. I found it hilarious.
My 6 year old said he was cold so I told him to go stand in the corner. He asked why and I said because corners are 90 degrees. My wife did not appreciate this but my kids are stil
A father figure! I'll be here all week folks. Seriously though had my 4 year old laugh at this one today so I think I'm winning at something.
So I'm at Target with my 2 year old and she has what can only be described as a nuclear incident in her diaper. I'm standing there covered in poop trying to figure out how this eve
Just told my kids that the gym is a place where you go to watch other people work out and they actually believed me for a solid 10 seconds. My 8 year old said 'Dad that's the dumbe
Found my 7 year old going through my phone looking at my notes where I keep all my dad jokes. Now he keeps hitting me with 'Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outst
My kids were complaining they were bored so I told them I have a bunch of jobs for them to do around the house. They got real quiet and went to their rooms. Then I yelled 'I was ju
I told him I was just trying to figure out where his off switch is. He did not find it funny. My wife lost it though.
Took my 7 year old to the grocery store and he wanted every single cereal box with a cartoon character. I told him 'You know those mascots are just trying to trick you into wanting
Changed what I thought was a regular diaper explosion on my toddler at the park. Turns out it was EVERYWHERE. My wife says 'looks like you had a real crappy situation there.' I'm s
Been dropping dad jokes on my kids for years and now they're beating me at it. My 6 year old told me 'I'm reading a book about anti gravity, it's impossible to put down!' I didn't
Took my 8 year old to the grocery store and he goes 'Dad why did the cookie go to the doctor?' I set myself up and asked why. He says 'Because it felt crumbly!' Then he laughed so
I walked into the kitchen still in my gym clothes from yesterday and my kid looks at me and goes 'Dad are you a magician? Because every time you go to the gym you disappear and com
I told him real men don't need instructions. Two hours later I'm calling my wife asking how to assemble the IKEA bookshelf. He walked by and just shook his head at me. Pretty sure
Even better, the friend actually laughed. I think I'm finally getting my audience. My wife says that just means the friend has low standards but whatever, I'll take the W.
They were so hyped until we got there and they realized it wasn't that kind of bank. The look on their faces was priceless. Now I'm the bad guy for 'lying' to them.