Got em
I told my son I was reading a book about anti gravity. He asked if it was good. I said 'Yeah it's impossible to put down.' He just stared at me. My wife laughed which counts as a w
DDominic E.122 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
890 threads
I told my son I was reading a book about anti gravity. He asked if it was good. I said 'Yeah it's impossible to put down.' He just stared at me. My wife laughed which counts as a w
Told him if he kept eating sweets he'd get a sugar rush. He goes 'Dad, I'm already a sugar rush. I'm your son.' Had to leave the room so he wouldn't see me cracking up. The kid's g
I said 'I've got a joke about sodium.' They said 'Na.' I died laughing. They just stared at me. The pain in their eyes made it even better honestly.
I told her because I wanted to be a role model. She said 'Oh, like a toy car?' I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry. Pretty sure I've been called worse things by my own offspring.
He said why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly. I LOST IT. My wife rolled her eyes so hard but I was dying laughing. This is peak parenting right here. He's g
There's a brand of diapers called pampers. Took me three kids to actually laugh at that. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer. My 4 year old made that one up and honestly
Told my kids we're having a surprise for dinner and my oldest goes what is it and I said if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise. He thinks for a second and goes then how do you kn
I told him I'm at that age where I actually read them now. He said 'Dad you're only 38.' Yeah well apparently I'm 38 going on 68 because I spent 20 minutes reading how to set up a
Was loading the dishwasher and dropped a plate. I said 'Well that's one less thing to wash' and cracked up for a solid minute. My 8 year old just stared at me like I'd lost my mind
Took my 5 year old to the grocery store and he asked for cereal. I pointed at the store brand box and said 'That's the same cereal, just in different clothes.' He actually believed
I said there's no point. He stared at me for a solid 10 seconds then asked if we could go to McDonalds. I think that's a win.
My 4yo asked if the Lucky Charms were actually lucky. I said yeah, lucky for me because I get to eat all the marshmallows she leaves behind. She's still convinced the cereal is bro
I told him I was looking for a date. He didn't laugh. My wife did though, which is basically the same thing right?
I told my kids "I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me" and absolutely lost it while they stared at me in silence. My wife just shook her head. This is the life I chose
A gas passer. My daughter rolled her eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck. Worth it.
Started innocently enough with some basic knock knock jokes but now we're deep into full pun battles at the dinner table. My wife is suffering but my son is actually thinking throu
He goes "Dad what's for dinner?" and I said "food" and thought I was hilarious. Nobody else did. I will do this again tomorrow.
I said don't worry buddy, we'll straighten this out. He asked how long it would take and I said it would be a process. My wife left the room. I think I'm winning at this dad thing.
Got all three kids in the van yesterday and they all fell asleep within 10 minutes. Just me, the road, and my thoughts for 45 glorious minutes. Didn't even care that we were stuck
I told him because good fathers are always outstanding in their field. He groaned so hard I thought he pulled something.