My 6 year old asked why I was reading a map
Kid asks 'Dad why are you looking at that paper?' I said 'It's a map, helps me find places.' He goes 'Oh, I just ask Siri, she's smarter.' Well apparently I've been replaced by an
WWalter T.73 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
894 threads
Kid asks 'Dad why are you looking at that paper?' I said 'It's a map, helps me find places.' He goes 'Oh, I just ask Siri, she's smarter.' Well apparently I've been replaced by an
Took my 3 kids on a road trip and we stopped at a gas station bathroom. The smell. The mystery puddles. A toilet paper dispenser that had clearly seen better days. I stood there th
My 2 year old took a massive dump and I said 'Wow buddy that's impressive!' and my wife just shakes her head laughing. Then I realized I'm out here genuinely celebrating a kid's bo
My son says 'Dad I'm hungry' and I hit him with 'Hi Hungry, I'm Dad.' He groans SO hard. My wife is not amused. I'm getting better at this comedy thing though, I can feel it.
I started telling my daughter a joke at dinner and by the time I got to the setup she had already guessed the punchline, asked me a random question about her friend, and made me pr
He said 'Dad, your jokes aren't even funny.' I looked at him and said 'I know, that's why they're called dad jokes. When you become a dad they automatically become funny.' He groan
So I'm at the grocery store with my 6 month old, just a quick 5 minute trip. Of course he decides to have the most catastrophic diaper situation I've ever witnessed. It's up the ba
I said because my phone died and I needed directions. He goes "Dad that's not how maps work, you have to be looking at it the whole time." Then I crashed into a mailbox. Just kiddi
My son asked for cereal and I said "Sure, I'll get you some Froot Loops." Then I handed him a loop and said "There's your fruit." He rolled his eyes so hard I thought they might ge
Because he heard the drinks were on the house! My wife didn't laugh either. I'll be here all week apparently since she kicked me out.
Went to the store with my 5 year old and she asked why there were so many cereal choices. I told her 'because there are a lot of choices in life and you have to pick wisely.' She p
Because he wanted to make liquid assets. My kids literally groaned so loud the dog left the room. Worth it.
This morning my 7 year old asked why I was so tired and I said 'because being a dad is exhausting.' He goes 'oh I thought it was because you're old.' I got got. He's not wrong thou
I told him I was getting my bearings. He said 'Dad your bearings left 10 years ago.' I think he might be onto something.
Yelled 'KICK IT' at my son's game and he actually did. Straight into his own goal. Coach looked at me. I looked at my shoes. We're never speaking of this again but I'll definitely
My kids asked what time it was and I said 'It's a quarter past the tooth fairy's house.' They didn't laugh. My wife didn't laugh. I'm still laughing.
Waiter asked if we wanted any appetizers and I said 'No thanks, we're all pretty full of anticipation.' My family has asked me to please stop.
My teenager groaned when I said 'I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.' But then I caught him telling his friend the joke later. Victory.
Walked down the cereal aisle and my 6 year old asked if we could get the one with the tiger on it. I said 'They're Gr-r-r-eat!' and he just stared at me. His mom would be so embarr
Found a screw laying on the floor and told my son we should call it a hardware store and put it back. He walked away. I'm the funniest person I know.