The toilet paper shortage flashbacks
Just realized we had no TP this morning and immediately panicked. Then remembered 2020 and how insane everyone got. Anyway, I'm now that guy with 47 rolls in the garage. No regrets
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
894 threads
Just realized we had no TP this morning and immediately panicked. Then remembered 2020 and how insane everyone got. Anyway, I'm now that guy with 47 rolls in the garage. No regrets
He told me it was funny. I asked how funny. He said funny like when grandpa tells jokes. So basically I'm on par with an 80 year old man. I'll take it.
My daughter and I were in the cereal aisle and she asks me to reach something on the top shelf. I tell her I'm a little short on time. She looks at me dead serious and says you're
He heard someone had stolen a base. Just told this one to my kids at dinner and got the exact groans I was looking for. Success. Also got a spit take of milk from my son which mean
I told him because I'm not a dad yet. Then I realized I've been a dad for 8 years. Mission accomplished.
They couldn't put it down. Then they actually couldn't put it down because I taped it to the ceiling. Dad win.
Someone who can make the peanut butter disappear from the kitchen in 2 seconds flat and then convince his kids it was never there. Seriously where does it all go?
I said 'Because being a dad is exhausting.' He said 'You should try being a kid, I have to listen to you all day.' Fair point, buddy. Fair point.
I told him I'm not reading them, I'm just looking at the pictures. He said "Dad that's not how you read." I said "Exactly, that's why I'm looking at the pictures."
I said yeah I'll be happy to help. So I sat at the counter and gave her encouragement while she cooked. She did not appreciate my contributions.
He said knock knock. I said who's there. He said interrupting cow. I started to say interrupting cow w... and he screamed MOO before I could finish. Kid's got timing. He's going pl
A gummy bear. My kids groaned so hard when I said this at breakfast. The 10yo put his head in his hands. But I saw the 6yo trying not to laugh so I won.
I said hey buddy I've got this great chemistry pun for you. He's like dad no. And I'm like but I promise it's got all the right elements. My wife literally told me to stop.
I told her because I'm tired. She goes dad you're always tired. And I said yeah that's what being a dad is all about. She just shook her head like I was the dumbest person alive. S
I said 'I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.' My 7yo and 9yo just stared at me like I was crazy. My wife didnt even look up from her phone. But I kno
Because he wanted to play touch football with his son. Took me a second to realize how that sounded when I said it out loud at work lol
I told my kids that anyone who complains about dinner has to eat cereal instead. That night I made something weird that even I didnt really like. Started to complain and my 10yo ju
Yeah so apparently talking to the dog about how I'm 'tired of all these dad jokes because they're pup-ular' is weird? She said I've hit a new low but honestly the dog seemed into i
One of the other parents asked what position my kid plays. I said 'mostly on the bench.' His mom laughed, his dad did not. Later I asked my son if he knew what I meant by substitut
He was outstanding in his field. My daughter has heard this one like 50 times. She tells it at school now and I'm pretty sure her teacher regrets asking her about her family.