The random texts from my kids are killing me
Got this one today: 'dad why is a group of flamingos called a flamboyance' at 3 AM. He was in his room. Why would he not just yell down the hall? Why does he text me like I'm his G
PPete S.627 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Got this one today: 'dad why is a group of flamingos called a flamboyance' at 3 AM. He was in his room. Why would he not just yell down the hall? Why does he text me like I'm his G
Not gonna lie, I thought this job would destroy me but I made it. Still have most of my hair, only need glasses now instead of contacts, and my kids actually think I'm funny someti
He wanted cold hard cash. I'll be here all week folks.
I don't care what anyone says. I wear them everywhere now. Grocery store, school pickup, that one time my wife made me go to her work party. Comfort over fashion when you're a dad
Asking for a friend who may or may not be looking in the mirror right now and confused about when his abs became singular and horizontal. Also is it too late to start going to the
Dude my 12 year old told me my 80s playlist was too loud yesterday. TOO LOUD. I'm the one paying for the Spotify family plan here. When did this become their house?
Wife called me out yesterday for 'napping' at 7pm. I explained that I'm not napping, I'm in power saving mode. The kids had me running all day and I needed to recharge. She just ro
Legit recommend checking it out even if you don't have kids. It's better than 60% of what's on Spotify right now. Also the show isn't terrible if you need 30 mins of peace. Your we
I swear my 10yo has developed a physical reaction to my jokes. It's like he can sense them coming. Even the good ones get eye rolls. Am I just bad at timing or is this part of the
The worse the joke the more it makes my kids groan which means I win. That's the game right? Make them uncomfortable with how bad it is? I refuse to get better at this because medi
I know, I know, I'm probably the only one who cares but it happened. He was groaning and then his face changed and he actually LAUGHED. This is peak parenting. I'm retiring while I
Mine won't stop doing the David Attenborough voice for EVERYTHING. 'And here we observe father in his natural habitat, attempting to make breakfast without burning it.' It's hilari
I made spaghetti for dinner. My older kid wants it with no sauce. Younger one wants only sauce no noodles. My wife wants hers with a ton of garlic. So now I'm standing here making
Thought I'd yell out some encouragement and screamed 'THAT'S MY GIRL' when someone else scored. Spent the next 20 mins explaining to another dad that no, I didn't have amnesia abou
Is it really a thing or just what we call ourselves when we stop going to the gym after our first kid? Asking for a friend who hasn't seen his abs since 2015.
I told him I was going to make his vegetables disappear. Turns out he just threw them under the table. Mission accomplished? Either way, he fell for it and that's what matters.
I swear I used to have hobbies and interests before kids. Now all I do is make dad jokes, talk about sleep schedules, and argue about which brand of diapers is better. I saw my old
Do other dads get genuinely excited about new BBQ rubs or am I officially old? I spent 45 minutes reading reviews on smoker thermometers yesterday and felt like a kid on Christmas
Called them 'dinosaur food' and told her she needed to get strong like a T-Rex. She demolished a plate of broccoli in like 3 minutes. My wife is mad because now I'm responsible for
Literally made a joke about socks going missing in the dryer and I started cracking up before I even finished the punchline. My whole family just stared at me. I am now the guy who