My worst dad joke yet and I'm not sorry
Kid: Dad I'm cold Me: Nice to meet you cold, I'm dad Kid: That doesn't even make sense Me: Exactly He groaned so hard I thought something was wrong. Perfect execution if you ask m
CClint R.357 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Kid: Dad I'm cold Me: Nice to meet you cold, I'm dad Kid: That doesn't even make sense Me: Exactly He groaned so hard I thought something was wrong. Perfect execution if you ask m
My son keeps trying to one-up my jokes and honestly half of them don't even make sense but I'm so proud I'm considering recording them. Like today he said 'why did the banana go to
My kid dropped a full glass of milk at dinner and before I even thought about it my hand was there. Caught it clean. Didn't spill a drop. My wife looked at me like I grew a second
Been there 8 years and finally made senior manager. Honestly I was so tired from being up at 2am with the baby that I almost forgot about the interview. Pulled it together though a
This is what parenthood does to you. My brain is fried. I had the phone pressed to my ear the whole time. My oldest watched the whole thing without saying anything. Why would she h
Kid asked why the bananas were green and I said 'because they haven't seen the sun enough' and now he wants to take them outside for tanning sessions. I've created a monster. This
My son made it through an entire soccer game today without complaining about being tired. Do you understand how huge this is? We're talking about a kid who says he's exhausted afte
Real talk though, I used to be pretty fit before kids. Now I'm carrying like 30 extra pounds and honestly? I don't hate it as much as I thought I would. There's something freeing a
Like yeah I roughhouse with them and watch cartoons but I also pay the mortgage and the car insurance so technically I'm like a half parent at least right? She just shakes her head
Dollar store headphones. I bought like 10 pairs. Now whenever my kids start fighting I just hand them each a pair and tell them to watch something on a tablet. Silence. Pure bliss.
Seriously, I went to the store yesterday and a box of Fruity Pebbles was almost $6. SIX DOLLARS. I remember getting cereal for like $2. Now my kids go through a box in two days and
I just spent $280 on school supplies for three kids and I don't even know where half of it went. Like what is a 'dry erase pocket' and why does my 7yo need four of them? I'm convin
This might sound small but I'm celebrating this win hard. Both asleep by 8:15pm. That means I have almost an hour before I pass out too. Already got my dad snacks ready and I'm not
If you haven't tried letting your kid pick one item at the store while blindfolded, you're missing out on pure chaos. My son grabbed a rotisserie chicken and a box of fruit roll up
Not actually leaving obviously but she was like 'if you say one more pun I'm taking the kids and going to your mothers house.' So naturally I said 'why would you do that, I'm on a
Looking to expand my arsenal here. Need fresh material that goes beyond the standard 'I'm on a seafood diet' stuff. Any books or websites you guys recommend? I'm willing to invest
I told my 5 year old that the sun is a big ball of gas and he goes 'Dad that explains why you keep leaving the room after dinner' I'm dying. When did they get so savage?
My kids tell me everything in the car but nothing at home. I learned more about my son's day on the 15 minute drive to soccer practice than I have in the last 3 months. Apparently
Tell my son bedtime is 8pm. At 8:15 he's SHOCKED we're actually going to bed. Like the time limit was just a suggestion. Then I remember I do the same thing when my wife says we ha
Think about it. A little extra cushion is perfect for kids to sit on when they get tired. Built in storage for snacks in the back pockets. And nobody expects a fit guy to be a dad