The dad joke that almost got me in trouble
Made a joke about the wife's cooking in front of the kids and now they keep repeating it. Wife is NOT amused. Kids think I'm hilarious but I'm sleeping on the couch if I make one m
TTony M.167 views
13
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
883 threads
Made a joke about the wife's cooking in front of the kids and now they keep repeating it. Wife is NOT amused. Kids think I'm hilarious but I'm sleeping on the couch if I make one m
To get to the other side and then explain why it was funny for the next 10 minutes while his kids rolled their eyes
He was doing the exact same jokes to his little sister and she was laughing. Then he caught me watching and we just locked eyes. The cycle continues. He's becoming me and honestly
So my son knocked over a full glass of milk at dinner and I caught it mid air with one hand while continuing to eat my food with the other. The whole family just stared at me. My w
Made a joke at dinner and my daughter said 'Dad that's not even a real joke.' Ouch. So I asked her what makes it not real. She said 'Because nobody laughed.' Can't argue with that
He heard the drinks were on the house. My 8 year old came home and told this one and I've never been more proud. He's finally learning the craft.
Took the kids to the store today and my 6 year old asked why the peanut butter was in the middle of the aisle instead of on the shelf. I said 'Because someone didn't put it back.'
I actually caught myself telling my kid a completely genuine, unprompted dad joke yesterday. I said 'You know why the scarecrow won an award? Because he was outstanding in his fiel
My 7yo asked me today why I keep telling the same jokes over and over. I said 'Because every time I tell them you laugh like its the first time you've heard them.' He just rolled h
Attempted to drop some 'hip' dad humor at lunch with my kids and their friends. Said something about their slang being 'sus' and apparently Ive now permanently mortified them all.
Because he heard the drinks were on the house! My kids groaned so hard when I told them this one at breakfast. Mission accomplished.
So my 6 year old asks me 'Dad why are you called dad?' and I'm thinking this is some philosophical moment. Nope. He goes 'Because you're bad at jokes?' I have never been so roasted
Kid runs into the door frame at full speed and starts crying. I ask him what happened and he goes 'The door got in my way!' Sir, the door was not moving. You were. Anyway told him
Which honestly just fuels me to tell more. Told one at dinner last night and my whole family groaned in unison like they'd practiced it. That's actually a win in my book. The worse
Went to the store today and the cashier asked if I found everything okay. I said 'Yeah, everything except the aisle with cheaper prices.' He just looked at me. My 9 year old actual
She comes up to me and asks 'Dad why did the cookie go to the doctor?' I bite, ask her why. She says 'Because it felt crumbly!' I don't think I've ever been more proud. She got it
Like how a 45 minute trip to Home Depot to grab one thing somehow turns into $200 and 3 hours. Or how you can take a sick day and still end up doing yard work the whole time. Or th
I told him I was just looking at the pictures. He's 8 and already knows I never read them. Why did I even pretend?
He said it was too cheesy. I said son that's literally the only good part and that's coming from a guy who named you in the group chat. He still didn't laugh.
My daughter said she was reading a book about anti-gravity. I told her I couldn't put it down. She rolled her eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck. Mission accomplished.