What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated. Been sitting on this one all week waiting for the right moment. Finally used it on my kids at breakfast and got the eye roll I deserved.
CCole B.122 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Sofishticated. Been sitting on this one all week waiting for the right moment. Finally used it on my kids at breakfast and got the eye roll I deserved.
Because he was outstanding in his field. My kids groaned but my wife actually laughed so that counts as a win in my book.
My 8 year old walked in on me doing the worm while waiting for coffee. She just stared and said 'Dad that's the whitest thing I've ever seen.' I'm not even mad, she got me. Gonna r
Son: Dad why do you always pick the boring cereal? Me: Because son, life isn't about the sugary stuff, it's about the fiber. Son: That's the saddest thing you've ever said. He's 6
She said 'Dad, real men don't need instructions.' I told her 'Exactly, that's why your mom is assembling the furniture.' The look on her face was priceless.
I told my son he needed to stop being silly at dinner. He looked at me and said 'But Dad, you're silly ALL the time.' Wife couldn't stop laughing. Out of the mouths of babes man. P
So I'm at the grocery store with my 3mo old and obviously a massive blowout happens. I'm in the middle of aisle 7 with nothing but a small wipe container. Wife texts me asking what
Because he heard someone had stolen a base. I know, I know, but my kids thought it was hilarious and that's all that matters right?
My 7 year old asked me this morning why the teddy bear wasn't hungry. I said I don't know, why? He goes 'Because she was already stuffed!' I literally teared up. We've created a mo
I've fully embraced wearing shorts with crew socks and I'm not apologizing anymore. My wife says I look like I'm about to coach a youth soccer team. She's not wrong. I am absolutel
There I am at Whole Foods with my 3 kids and the cashier asks if we found everything okay. My 5 year old immediately says 'Yeah but we couldn't find the unicorn meat.' The entire l
Wife asked me yesterday why I laugh at my own jokes so much. I told her because if I didn't, nobody would. She just shook her head and walked away. Pretty sure that means I won the
Dear Dad, I love you so much and you're the best dad ever. Also can I have $20? So now I'm confused. Is the $20 because I'm the best dad or am I about to become the worst dad? Eith
So I surprised her by hiding in the closet. Apparently that's not what she meant. She's still not laughing.
Took my 4 year old to get milk this morning. She asked why we were buying milk when the cow is home. Spent 10 minutes trying to explain we don't have a cow before I just said 'you
Because his son kept telling him he had to bring home better grades. I'll be here all week (because the kids have no school and my wife left me in charge).
They asked if it was good and I said I can't put it down. Daughter said 'Dad that makes no sense' and walked away. She's 8. They're learning to despise my humor and honestly I'm pr
About three months. I'm currently at the 18 month mark with my second kid and I'm pretty sure I've lost the ability to form complete sentences. Had to leave a work meeting yesterda
I said sure. Been hiding in the garage for 3 hours now and honestly it's been the most peaceful afternoon I've had in months. The only downside is my wife keeps texting asking if I
Because he wanted to draw the curtains. My 6 year old groaned so hard he made that face where his whole body convulses. This is my life now and I regret nothing.