Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
890 threads
We were at dinner and my 7yo complained she was bored. I told her 'I used to be bored too, but then I had you kids.' She just stared at me and then I said 'Now I'm a dad, tired!' W
So I told my 3 year old it was bedtime and he goes 'But dad it's still light outside' and I'm like ok fair point. Then he goes 'Can we read one more book' and I say no buddy we alr
This kid has been telling me knock knock jokes for like an hour straight and none of them make sense. Like knock knock, who's there, pizza, pizza who, PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA. He thinks
Watching my 6 year old play and realized I just spent 10 minutes explaining to him why you can't actually see through walls even if you're going really fast. He asked me 'are you a
Because he was outstanding in his field. My kids groaned so hard when I told them this one at dinner. Worth it.
I told him I was just checking to make sure I was using the blender correctly. He goes "Dad you've made a smoothie every morning for 5 years." I said "Yeah and I want to keep my pe
My 7 year old told me a joke today and I realized he's starting to tell actual dad jokes. He asked what you call a sleeping bull. I said "I don't know what?" He said "A bulldozer."
Got asked to bring snacks to soccer practice. Brought string cheese and gatorade. Coach asks why nothing is green. Apparently the team colors are green and gold. I told my kid his
Because I get to do all the voices and my kids actually think I'm funny. Sure the jokes are terrible but at 8pm after a long day, anything that keeps them in bed for 10 more minute
I told him it's a fatherhood requirement. He asked if there was a manual. I said yeah, it comes with the diaper bag and a complete loss of your sense of humor. He didn't laugh. Mis
My toddler was having a complete meltdown in the middle of Target because they were out of his favorite fruit snacks. So I look at the empty shelf and I'm like 'Looks like someone
So I'm at the store with my 6 year old and he asks why the cereal aisle is so long. I say because it's a real cereal situation. My wife gives me that look. My son thinks I'm hilari
I told my son I was going to the gym to get in shape. He looks at me and says 'Dad, you said that last week.' Out of the mouths of babes. Apparently I'm predictable and lazy. He's
Remember when you thought dad jokes were stupid? Now I find myself cracking them constantly and actually laughing at my own jokes. My kids groan every single time but I can see the
Was making breakfast this morning and burned the toast. My 9 year old goes 'Dad, that's not charcoal, that's CARBON.' I've been waiting YEARS for someone in this family to understa
Doctor asked my 4 year old if his tummy hurt. He said yes. I said 'Well that's concerning, looks like you've got a serious case of the TOY STORE BLUES.' Wife gave me that look. Doc
Caught myself saying 'we're not paying to heat the whole neighborhood' when my son left his door open, and then I laughed at my own joke for a solid 30 seconds. My wife gave me tha
I told him I wanted to know what NOT to do. He just stared at me. Pretty sure he gets his sense of humor from his mother.
I said yeah but I'm still looking for my will to live and a reason to eat vegetables. She didn't laugh. My 6 year old thought it was hilarious though, which means it's officially a
A gummy bear. Told this to my 4 year old this morning and he groaned so hard I think he sprained something. Mission accomplished.