Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
890 threads
I told him I wanted to know what I was supposed to be doing. He said 'Dad you're supposed to be a dad, not read the manual.' I said 'buddy I've been winging it this whole time, the
My teenager caught me doing the floss dance in the kitchen this morning. Not the dental kind. He just shook his head and said 'Dad please stop, you're embarrassing yourself in fron
Apparently his grades are so bad they're considered a work of fiction. I asked him about it and he said at least he's creative with his excuses.
I told him it's because I'm outstanding in my field. He asked what field and I said the field of corn... get it? Anyway he groaned so hard I think I heard his soul leave his body.
Because he heard the drinks were on the house! My 7 year old came up with this one and I've never been more proud or more ashamed at the same time.
I said well that's where you're wrong kiddo, I'm a barrel of laughs. She said yeah, the kind people want to throw off a cliff. She's 9 and already destroys me with comebacks.
Was dropping off my son at soccer and said 'Have an ice day' because the field was wet. He literally said 'Dad, that's not even a pun' and walked away. Mission accomplished if you
He wanted cold hard cash. My 6yo came up to me this morning and told me that joke like he invented it. Pretty sure he heard it from me two years ago. The circle of dad humor is com
She asked me what it was about and I said 'I can't put it down.' She rolled her eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck. Then she went upstairs and told her mom the joke like 20 mi
Son walks in while I'm in the shower and asks 'Dad why do you close the curtain?' I tell him 'So you don't see me naked.' He thinks for a second and goes 'But I already know what y
My daughter came home from school upset about her math test. I said 'Well, did you at least count your blessings?' She stared at me like I had three heads. I'm pretty sure I'm on h
Took my 6yo to the grocery store and he asked why some cereals have prizes inside. I said 'Because they're looking for a cereal killer.' He didn't get it but my wife did and she ga
I told him it's in my job description. He said 'Dad, you work in accounting.' I said 'Exactly, I have to be good with numbers... and dad jokes are just counting on your laughter!'
So my daughter asked me if we could go to McDonalds for 'a special treat' and I said sure thinking we'd grab Happy Meals. Get there and she orders a salad. A SALAD. Said she overhe
Caught my 4 year old red handed with a box of Lucky Charms this morning, eating them dry by the handful straight from the box. When I asked him why he didn't use a bowl he looked a
My 7 year old: 'Dad why did the scarecrow win an award?' Me: 'Why?' Him: 'Because he was outstanding in his field!' I died laughing. He's been watching YouTube compilations of dad
So I could have a built in excuse for all my terrible jokes. Kid groans at my puns now which just makes them funnier. Win win.
I walked out of the bathroom after taking the biggest dump and he was waiting there saying 'Wow dad you're so strong, you do such great poos!' I don't know whether to be proud or c
I used to have abs. Now I have a single ab. Just one. Its lonely. My kids keep patting it and asking if I'm gonna have a baby too. Thanks kids.
That I can sleep with a toddler using me as a personal jungle gym and still be less tired than I am listening to my kids fight over a toy for 20 minutes. The emotional exhaustion i