The grocery store incident
So I'm at the store with my 7 year old and he asks for cereal. I pick up a box and say 'this one's great, it's got 8 grams of protein per serving.' He looks at me and goes 'dad tha
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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So I'm at the store with my 7 year old and he asks for cereal. I pick up a box and say 'this one's great, it's got 8 grams of protein per serving.' He looks at me and goes 'dad tha
Was making dinner and my daughter asked what's for dinner. I said 'food.' She didn't laugh. Then my son walked in, I said it again, and he absolutely lost it. No idea why but I'm c
I said because it makes people laugh. He goes "Dad you're not funny, people just laugh so you'll stop." Out of the mouths of babes man. He's not wrong though.
I said nothing, just thinking about how penguins have knees. She said that's not nothing that's weird. But seriously I was just at the zoo with the kids and now my brain won't let
My 4yo yells across the produce section "DAD WHY IS YOUR BELLY SO BIG?" and I'm just standing there in front of everyone like oh cool, this is my life now. Wife is trying not to la
An impasta. Just hit my kids with this one and my 9yo groaned so hard I thought he pulled something. Success.
Went to the grocery store with my 6 year old. He wanted every single box because apparently they're all 'part of a balanced breakfast.' I told him balance means only picking 2. He
Made the classic 'I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes' joke while supposedly watching the kids play in the backyard. Wife caught me actually asleep. Son then said 'Dad's not
I told him I wanted to make sure I was doing fatherhood correctly. He said 'Dad, you lost the instruction manual the day I was born.' Pretty sure he got me there.
The teacher asked my son what his dad does. I was standing right there so I said 'I make terrible jokes that embarrass my family.' Apparently that answer and my follow-up pun about
Was at Whole Foods and my 6 year old pointed at the organic section and asked 'Dad what does organic mean?' I said 'it means your mom paid extra money so we can feel poor faster.'
I told him it's a dad-astrophe if I don't. He groaned so loud the neighbors asked if everything was okay.
I said we should name the baby 'Epidemic' since we clearly don't understand how to stop having kids. She did not appreciate my humor at 3am while in labor.
My 5yo told me I have a 'jiggly tummy like Santa' and I should 'stop eating cookies.' Pretty sure he just roasted me but the confidence in his delivery absolutely got me. Later he
Found my 2 year old with his entire face covered in peanut butter looking absolutely terrified. Turns out the dog licked it off. He screamed and laughed at the same time. I'm sitti
He said 'Why did the cookie go to the doctor?' and I said 'I don't know why' and he goes 'Because it felt crumbly!' Then he absolutely lost it laughing at his own joke for like 5 m
Just realized I'm at the age where I genuinely find myself laughing at my own jokes before I even finish telling them. My kids groan every single time. This is my life now. I asked
Took my son to get milk and he asked why the eggs were in a carton. I said because they'd break if they were in a bag. He goes 'that's not very eggs-traordinary dad' and walked awa
Because he was outstanding in his field! My 6 year old groaned so hard when I told her this one at breakfast. Worth it.
I'll meet you at the corner! My kids have heard this one a hundred times and they still laugh. That's the ultimate dad joke victory.