Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
681 threads
I was buying bananas and I said 'I guess you could say I'm going ape.' She just stared at me and scanned them. My 6 year old was dying laughing though. That's all that matters righ
Daughter: 'Dad I'm hungry.' Me: 'Hi Hungry, I'm Dad.' Son immediately says 'I'm tired of this.' Wife just looked at me like why are you like this. Best morning ever honestly.
I'm never going to recover from this. Changed my 4 month old's diaper this morning, turned my back for literally 3 seconds to throw it away, and somehow he managed to poop on himse
So my 8 year old daughter figured out what puns are yesterday. Now she won't stop. At dinner she asked for 'lettuce' to be added to her plate. When I said we don't have lettuce she
Every single day at 2pm I try to convince my kids that naptime is 'nap time' not 'destroy the house while being weird time' but apparently I'm fluent in a language nobody else spea
Been playing Minecraft with my kids for months and my 6 year old now thinks real life has creative mode. Yesterday he asked why he couldn't respawn when he fell off the jungle gym.
Lost it this morning. My 5 year old asked that and I couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes. My wife was not amused. Now he wants to know why we park in driveways and drive on
So I'm at the grocery store with just my youngest (11 months) and we're doing great, everything's perfect. Get to the cereal aisle and BOOM. Blowout. I mean an absolute nuclear eve
It got mugged. My kids hate me. I tell this one at least twice a week and they still groan every single time. Mission accomplished.
I'm actually proud but also concerned. He told his buddy that the scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field. That's my material! He's only 9 and already steali
I told him I was just checking to make sure I was using the TV remote correctly. He said Dad that's the dishwasher. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.
My 7 year old said he was cold so I told him to go stand in the corner. He asked why and I said because corners are 90 degrees. The groan from my wife was so loud the neighbors pro
Because he heard the drinks were on the house. My 7 year old laughed so hard he snorted milk out his nose. Mission accomplished.
I told him I was just checking to make sure I was doing it right. He said 'Dad you always mess things up anyway.' Out of the mouths of babes. The accuracy hurts.
My son asked me to be a T-Rex while we were shopping. I obliged. Then I realized we were in the middle of the produce section and like 20 people were staring. Wife was not amused b
He asked where. I said the store. He said which one dad. I said probably the one with the stuff. He's 8 and he already rolled his eyes at me like I was the dumbest person on earth.
I told him my hair went on vacation and forgot to come back. He asked why I didn't go find it. I said it's probably at the beach drinking a piña colada without me. He thought that
I said of course honey I'm a very good doctor. She said you're not even wearing a white coat. I said that's because I left it at my practice. She goes then why are you wearing a st
He said dad why are you crying? I said I'm not crying, it's just a bit of detergent got in my eye. He goes yeah right, you're sad about something. I said yeah buddy, I just realize
I told him I wanted to know what I was supposed to be doing as a dad. He said 'Dad you've been doing this wrong for 8 years?' I said 'Yeah but at least I'm consistent.' He didn't l